I did my taxes earlier this month, and just like it does every year, it reminded me of the complexities of life as parent to a stillborn child.
That first year after Adrian died, I realized how awkward normal life interactions could be—
—How a simple question like “Do you have any children?” ceases to be simple.
—How a simple form asking for the names of your family members probably isn’t looking for the name of your deceased child.
When it came time to do my taxes that first year, I realized that although I had carried my son for 9 months and prepared and furnished a nursery for him, somehow that time and those funds and efforts did not qualify; he could not be considered a dependent even for the year he was born.*
And it wasn’t about the money for me, though for many the child tax credit could make a significant difference in their finances. But the biggest part for me was the acknowledgement—or lack of acknowledgement—that my son had been a real child. For me it was the first time I remember making that (lack of) distinction.
I did my taxes earlier this month, and it reminded me, like it does every year, of that year of firsts and learning to navigate life.
But this is the first year I realized that despite my heartache, Adrian had gotten to escape that old adage of death and taxes—he was only ever affected by one of them.
~
* While the (U.S.) federal government does not allow tax filers to claim stillborn children as dependents during their year of birth, a handful of U.S. states do. More information is available at this link.
