1 June 2020

Miranda and Adrian's Elephant on the California coast (Synch Media)
Miranda and Adrian’s Elephant on the California coast (Synch Media)

June is an intense month for me. Three years ago in June, I had started to develop preeclampsia, but my symptoms were so minor my providers didn’t catch it. I wish they had been paying more attention.

But as much as I want to, I cannot blame my providers alone. Because I unfortunately made a decision that also contributed to my son’s death: I refused the induction that was recommended at 39 weeks, convinced labor was best when it happened naturally.

June is an intense month for me, because each June, I relive these memories. Each June, I remember what it’s like to go into the hospital for a routine examination and be told my child has no heartbeat.

If I could share anything with the world, it would be this: GENUINELY informed consent. By which I mean:

  • Do ALL the reading. Not just the sites and studies that comfort you, but also those challenge that your beliefs.
  • Ask ALL the questions. Not just the ones that allow you creature comforts in delivery, but also those that maybe scare you about the possibilities.
  • Be open to change. As much as I believe in planning and hoping for your ideal outcome, I constantly also WISH I had been open to alternatives before it was too late.

If I had considered the risks and ramifications of allowing my pregnancy to go overdue; if I had asked not only more questions, but the right kinds of questions; if my providers had been more open to educating and involving me in decisions about my care; I honestly believe my son would be alive today.

I used to think pregnancy was the most natural thing in the world. I used to think it was silly to not let nature take the lead. I never considered that the MOST natural thing in the world was death. Not until it happened to my son. Not until his death happened to me.

Related Posts:

Adrian’s Story: Adrian’s Story
Miranda’s Story: Miranda’s Story
Resources Blog: Best Practices for Safest Pregnancy
Miranda’s Blog: Nature Isn’t Perfect
Miranda’s Blog: A Letter to the Woman who Wants the “Perfect Birth”

💙🐘💙 Miranda’s Blog contains my thoughts on stillbirth, child loss, mental health after loss, pregnancy & parenting after loss, and thoughts on grief positivity & grief support. 💙🐘💙
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