Hyacinth flowers, Victoria, British Columbia (Miranda Hernandez)
Hyacinth flowers, Victoria, British Columbia (Miranda Hernandez)

059 – Wed, Nov 15, 2017, 7:52 PM

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I remember when I first started talking about you. It was tentative at first, testing the waters of society. I needed to know how deeply I was going to have to grow to protect you.

In one of my earliest conversations, my friend said something along the lines of, “Of course–there’s something so special about children; if you want to be a mother, then go forth and do.”

She also told me about the wonder she felt as her daughter was growing up, as if she was learning to marvel at the universe all over again, too.

I thought about this moment a lot when I was pregnant with you. I wanted to give you everything. I yearned to see that wonder in your eyes.

I think about that moment a lot now, and I think until today, I had just assumed it would never be. But it occurred to me, sitting in group this everything, that if I’m still living, why can’t I find that wonder for you? Why can’t I find joy and amazement in the beauty that is left in my world?

And then we were getting up to leave, and everyone hugged me and acknowledged that it was my last day. And I just felt really loved then, and I felt so much love for you. And it was like instant confirmation that there are still good things, and people who will remember your name. And I still miss you, and I also know that I’m not alone.

I love you.

Letters to Adrian are real letters from a mother to her stillborn child. Letters are shared here in periodic batches.

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030 – Mon, Aug 28, 2017 at 6:21 AM

Miranda and Elephant on the California coast

117 – A Letter to My Son on His First Birthday

Koloa, Kaua'i, Hawai'i - Feature

017 – Thu, Jul 6, 2017 at 6:24 AM

Garden art in San Juan Capistrano, California (Miranda Hernandez)

109 – Sun, May 27, 2018, 8:35 PM

Miranda and Adrian's Elephant

100 – Sat, May 5, 2018, 5:30 PM

Koloa, Kaua'i, Hawai'i (Miranda Hernandez)

092 – Tue, Mar 20, 2018, 2:26 PM

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065 – Sat, Dec 2, 2017, 8:06 PM

Desert in California (Miranda Hernandez)

107 – Sat, May 19, 2018, 2:02 PM

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067 – Tue, Dec 12, 2017, 9:42 PM

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126 – Fri, Mar 29, 2019, 9:39 AM

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115 – Sat, Jun 30, 2018, 1:03 AM

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068 – Sat, Dec 16, 2017, 9:55 PM

032 – Mon, Sep 18, 2017 at 9:24 PM

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084 – Thu, Feb 1, 2018, 8:44 PM

003 – 10w2d – A Little Bit of a Belly

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021 – Thu, Jul 20, 2017 at 6:24 AM

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118 – Fri, Jul 6, 2018, 7:43 PM

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062 – Thu, Nov 23, 2017, 1:51 PM

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037 – Tue, Sep 26, 2017 at 3:02 PM

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133 – Wed, Jul 3, 2019, 11:32 AM

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016 – Wed, Jul 5, 2017 at 6:58 AM

View through the plants on the Haruru Falls trail, Waitanga, New Zealand (Miranda Hernandez)

119 – Wed, Jul 18, 2018, 1:10 PM

Tree in Big Sur, California (Miranda Hernandez)

057 – Tue, Nov 14, 2017, 6:28 PM

Tree and roots on the Haruru Falls trail, Waitanga, New Zealand (Miranda Hernandez)

122 – Tue, Jul 24, 2018, 9:28 PM

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046 – Sun, Oct 15, 2017, 8:09 PM

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088 – Thu, Feb 15, 2018, 6:40 PM

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131 – A Letter to My Son on His Second Birthday

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113 – Sun, Jun 24, 2018, 1:02 AM

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044 – Thu, Oct 12, 2017, 6:52 PM

001 – Hello

Hollyhock in California (Miranda Hernandez)

116 – Sat, Jun 30, 2018, some time in the morning

Miranda and Adrian's Elephant (Miranda Hernandez)

077 – Fri, Jan 12, 2018, 2:38 PM

013 – Thu, Jun 29, 2017 at 10:22 AM

Miranda and Adrian's Elephant at Northstar California Resort

089 – Sat, Feb 17, 2018, 3:55 PM

Full moon in Texas (Miranda Hernandez)

083 – Mon, Jan 29, 2018, 5:09 AM

Staircase in California (Miranda Hernandez)

111 – Sun, Jun 10, 2018, 9:31 PM

Succulents in San Juan Capistrano, California (Miranda Hernandez)

086 – Tue, Feb 6, 2018, 3:52 PM

024 – Wed, Aug 2, 2017 at 6:13 PM

Vines, Kaua'i, Hawai'i (Miranda Hernandez)

047 – Thu, Oct 19, 2017, 4:54 PM

Adrian's Elephant at Adrian and Miranda's old house

050 – Sun, Oct 29, 2017, 1:00 PM

Flowers on a fallen tree limb, California (Miranda Hernandez)

054 – Mon, Nov 7, 2017, 8:10 PM

Sunset on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

079 – Wed, Jan 17, 2018, 4:24 PM

Miranda and Adrian's Elephant at Pinecrest Lake

069 – Sat, Dec 23, 2017, 7:22 PM

Shore of Lake Michigan, Chicago (Miranda Hernandez)

095 – Fri, Apr 13, 2018, 10:23 PM

019 – Sun, Jul 16, 2017 at 12:17 PM

Reflection in Assiniboine Park, Winnipeg, Manitoba (Miranda Hernandez)

132 – Mon, Jul 1, 2019, 9:45 PM

009 – 33w2d

Riverwalk from the shadows, San Antonio, Texas (Miranda Hernandez)

108 – Sat, May 26, 2018, 11:02 AM

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066 – Mon, Dec 11, 2017, 8:16 PM

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137 – Tue, Dec 31, 2019, 10:01 PM

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120 – Thu, Jul 19, 2018, 12:47 PM

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038 – Thu, Sep 28, 2017 at 9:36 AM

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099 – Wed, May 2, 2018, 7:46 PM

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097 – Wed, Apr 28, 2018, 11:08 PM

026 – Sun, Aug 13, 2017 at 6:17 AM

018 – Sun, Jul 9, 2017 at 1:32 PM

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081 – Tue, Jan 23, 2018, 8:29 PM

Adrian's Elephant and Peanut's feet (Sarah Perry Photography)

128 – Thu, May 23, 2019, 9:11 PM

Pier, Paihia, New Zealand (Miranda Hernandez)

042 – Mon, Oct 2, 2017, 6:14 PM

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125 – Fri, Oct 19, 2018, 1:08 PM

Adrian's Elephant

072 – Sat, Dec 30, 2017, 10:51 AM

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094 – Fri, Apr 6, 2018, 11:46 PM

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023 – Fri, Jul 28, 2017 at 5:18 PM

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096 – Tue, Apr 24, 2018, 11:09 PM

Sanddollars on Adrian's Elephant (Miranda Hernandez)

043 – Wed, Oct 4, 2017, 7:43 PM

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070 – Sat, Dec 23, 2017, 9:12 PM

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055 – Fri, Nov 10, 2017, 6:48 PM

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045 – Fri, Oct 13, 2017, 6:25 PM

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049 – Tue, Oct 24, 2017, 5:26 PM

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010 – 38w4d – Almost there…

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040 – Thu, Sep 28, 2017 at 5:43 PM

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087 – Wed, Feb 7, 2018, 4:16 PM

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106 – Fri, May 18, 2018, 6:18 PM

031 – Fri, Sep 8, 2017 at 12:16 AM

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129 – Tue, Jun 25, 2019, 9:11 PM

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078 – Mon, Jan 15, 2018, 11:32 AM

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071 – Mon, Dec 25, 2017, 6:45 PM

028 – Wed, Aug 16, 2017 at 6:07 PM

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015 – Sun, Jul 2, 2017 at 8:19 PM

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134 – Tue, Jul 23, 2019, 1:34 PM

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058 – Tue, Nov 14, 2017, 7:10 PM

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130 – Thu, Jun 27, 2019, 9:31 PM

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082 – Wed, Jan 24, 2018, 3:46 PM

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075 – Tue, Jan 9, 2018, 10:04 PM

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114 – Sun, Jun 24, 2018, 1:15 PM

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056 – Fri, Nov 10, 2017, 8:29 PM

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101 – Sun, May 6, 2018, 12:13 AM

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098 – Thu, Apr 29, 2018, 8:58 PM

029 – Tue, Aug 22, 2017 at 9:50 PM

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052 – Wed, Nov 1, 2017, 8:08 PM

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039 – Thu, Sep 28, 2017 at 4:16 PM

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102 – Fri, May 11, 2018, 11:56 AM

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022 – Fri, Jul 21, 2017 at 12:18 AM

033 – Tue, Sep 19, 2017 at 6:35 PM

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036 – Tue, Sep 26, 2017 at 1:59 PM

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027 – Mon, Aug 14, 2017 at 12:15 PM

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112 – Sat, Jun 16, 2018, 3:59 PM

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124 – Tue, Sep 4, 2018, 9:00 PM

007 – 29w6d – Cravings and a Nest

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091 – Sun, Mar 11, 2018, 1:10 PM

005 – 19w6d – Happy New Year

004 – 12w1d – Your Tiny Feet

025 – Sun, Aug 6, 2017 at 12:26 AM

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110 – Sun, Jun 3, 2018, 9:11 AM

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123 – Wed, Aug 29, 2018, 3:16 PM

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063 – Sun, Nov 26, 2017, 9:45 AM

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048 – Sat, Oct 21, 2017, 8:37 PM

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076 – Wed, Jan 10, 2018, 11:47 AM

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080 – Sat, Jan 20, 2018, 4:09 PM

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104 – Sun, May 13, 2018, 3:04 PM

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074 – Sun, Dec 31, 2017, 7:59 PM

002 – 7w3d – Pickles and ice cream?

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