When the night is darkest, Remember you are loved—Baby Loss Comfort (5″ x 7″ printable)
September 25, 2022
The death of a child often turns the world dark. This printable offers comfort in this darkest of times.
Help and support after the death of a child
- The death of a child is world-changing. In the beginning, bereaved parents often don’t even know what they need. These are some ways loved one offered support to me after Adrian’s death, as well as suggestions for the future.
10 Things to Say to a Loved One after the Death of their Child
December 22, 2021
Death is awkward in our culture. (How I wish it wasn’t!) And because of this awkwardness, talking about death is often hard. It doesn’t have to be, though. These are 10 things you can say to a loved one after the death of their child.
It’s Both Easy & Hard to Disappear After Loss
May 23, 2021
Sometimes you don’t understand the impact of your actions, or your failure to act, until the same situation happens to you. And when some of my own friends disappeared like I disappeared on my cousin, I understood how much it was hurtful. And I was filled with regret.
A Good Cheat Sheet for Pretty Much Any Situation in Which Another Human is Upset
May 23, 2021
When someone we love is going through hard times, it is natural to want to fix things for them; to make things somehow “better”. However, that isn’t always what THEY want. When we aren’t sure of what’s needed, the best solution is often the simplest: Acknowledge, Listen, Help.
Let me know what you need
April 28, 2021
When the bereaved are deep in their grief, they often don’t know what they need. Please consider offering specific things:
I’d like to bring you dinner this evening. Is that okay?
Would you be interested in a walk in the park tomorrow morning?
A simple change in phrasing makes such a difference.
Frequently Asked Questions About Therapists & Therapy After the Loss of a Child
March 18, 2021
In conjunction with two beautiful therapists, Mary from Sarah’s Heart and Diane from Diane Biggs Psychotherapy, this latest post is a compilation of frequently asked questions about therapists and therapy, specific to the child loss experience.
Identities
March 12, 2021
Someone looked at this website the other day and commented that, if you didn’t know better, you wouldn’t know I was in the military. I never intended to keep this a “secret.” Mainly separate. But how much can you separate of your core identities?
For Supervisors: Supporting Military Members after the Loss of a Child
March 6, 2021
As a supervisor, the most important thing you can do when supporting a military member after the loss of a child is to understand this loss is significant. Regardless of planning or length of gestation, your military member has lost much more than a pregnancy; they have lost an entire human being.
It Doesn’t Always Have to be a NEW Beginning
December 31, 2020
Sometimes I think we can get caught up in the idea of a new year being a fresh start. We look forward to everything being different on 1 January. But will it be? Are we leaving this pandemic and the rest of our lives behind us? Or do we carry these things with us into each new day?
The Words We Use Matter
December 6, 2020
I think we are all familiar with the golden rule, but one of the most powerful things I have ever heard was to follow the platinum rule: treat people how THEY prefer to be treated. The words we use matter. And if you can’t say something kind, or supportive, maybe don’t say anything, at all.
Introducing the Sea Glass Parenting Community
September 30, 2020
It’s been commonly noted that the English language doesn’t currently have a word to describe a parent whose child is deceased. I choose the term, “Sea Glass Parent.” It acknowledges both the Broken and the Beauty in my life. It’s a metaphor, and also a piece of unique beauty on it’s own.
Businesses Serving the Baby Loss & Bereaved Community
September 30, 2020
One way bereaved families may honor their grief following miscarriage, stillbirth, or other forms of child loss is by creating art or other items to support the baby loss community. These are 98 artistic businesses and services supporting the baby loss and grief community.
3 Years, 3 Months
September 30, 2020
3 years, 3 months ago, Adrian was born silent into this world. This year, in my year of outreach, I am shouting his story from the rooftops.
Professional Charities & Organizations Supporting Bereaved Parents & Families
September 29, 2020
There are a multitude of charitable organizations providing gifts, services, and support to grieving families. The 88 organizations listed here provide support at no cost, and operate on a national or international level.
Blogs & Instagram Accounts about Child Loss & Grief
September 29, 2020
Reading other people’s experiences made me feel less alone after my son’s death. The 95 blogs listed here all have at least five blog posts, with at least one written in the past year. The Instagram accounts all have at least 2000 followers or a unique perspective on child loss or grief.
The Phone Call you Never Expect to Receive; Supporting a Loved One After the Loss of a Child
September 28, 2020
The loss of any child is a shock, and no less of one when the child is not your own. This is how to support a loved one after the loss of their child.
Facebook Groups & Online Support for Grieving Families and Bereaved Parents
September 15, 2020
One of the best means of support for bereaved parents and families is finding community with others in the same situation. This community can vary across different types of experiences and also through personal preferences such as religion. This post is a compilation of more than 100 Facebook groups providing online support to grieving parents and families.
If you genuinely want to comfort a bereaved person, remove these words from your vocabulary
September 13, 2020
We default to these standard phrases when seeking to comfort others in pain. Unfortunately, these phrases actually make the pain worse..
My pain has a purpose
July 10, 2020
I understand your intentions in wanting to take away my pain. It’s hard to see someone you love hurting. It’s hard to acknowledge there’s nothing you can do. What I need you to understand: (My) pain has a purpose. It speaks to the love I hold for my child. In seeking to take it away, you take away my love as well. You take away ME.
Child Loss Retreats
May 6, 2020
If you have the resources, attending a retreat for parents, couples, or families who have lost children may be a valuable way to devote time and space to your child and your grief.
Requests of a Bereaved Mother for All Prenatal Providers
October 15, 2019
After my son died at the end of a term pregnancy in 2017, I created this list of things I would like to see done differently in prenatal care, both before & after loss. These are things that would have made a difference in my pregnancy. These things might have kept my son alive.
Awareness Isn’t Enough – Preventing Suicide Starts with Understanding
September 9, 2019
Three years ago, I would have said suicide was cowardly. I didn’t understand, then, how quickly life can change. Suicide may not be an ideal answer, but I better understand the complexities behind the issue now. Awareness isn’t enough—suicide prevention starts with understanding.
Warning Signs Prior to Adrian’s Stillbirth
April 23, 2019
I have heard some people say that stillbirth isn’t preventable. And that’s a hard subject for me, because while some deaths just happen, Adrian’s didn’t have to. There were warning signs, and while they were minor, they shouldn’t have been dismissed.
26 Mar 2019 – The Worst Thing that Never Happened
March 26, 2019
This is quite possibly the darkest thing I’ve ever written. Please note that the following screenshots are simulated tweets. This is the timeline of an event that never happened.
28 Jul 2018 – A Letter from the In-Between
July 28, 2018
I’m not actively suicidal, but this is the beginning. This is the in-between stage; this is where it starts. This is what it looks like when someone is crying out in pain and the entire world tells her, “You’re strong; you’re fine…Simply because I’ve decided you’re not allowed to be anything else.”
2 Jun 2018 – Peace
June 2, 2018
This year has been hard for me, but it’s been a clean kind of hard. Most people understand grief is a thing. Most people understand pain surrounding death. I don’t think most people understand what happens afterwards.
26 Feb 2018 – Nuclear Bomb Part 2
February 26, 2018
I call it a nuclear bomb. It’s a conversation ender. You meet someone, you’re making good small talk, and then they ask about your family. I will never deny my son. He is a permanent part of me. And so it happens — I tell them, “Yes, I have a child. He died shortly before he was born.” And everything stops. It’s no longer a casual conversation.
18 Feb 2018 – I Love You
February 18, 2018
I want to wish you happiness, but I don’t know if you want that. I didn’t want happiness after the death of my son. It felt disloyal.
A Letter to my Commander upon the Occasion of the Death of my Child
January 15, 2018
Dear Commander; Dear First Sergeant; Dear Supervisor—Child loss as a military member is heartbreaking, and is especially complicated by culture and expectations that bereaved parents should be “strong” when they feel most weak. This is what bereaved parents in the military would like you to know.
Signs
January 10, 2018
I fight against happiness. I think that if I let myself smile, I will lose sight of my grief. I will lose him. Again.
