Getting ready for Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month
September 22, 2020
October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. As part of my year of outreach, I am running ads on Facebook and Pinterest. Here is a preview.
Other
Facebook Groups & Online Support for Grieving Families and Bereaved Parents
September 15, 2020
One of the best means of support for bereaved parents and families is finding community with others in the same situation. This community can vary across different types of experiences and also through personal preferences such as religion. This post is a compilation of more than 100 Facebook groups providing online support to grieving parents and families.
If a bereaved parent feel guilt or blame about their loss…
September 13, 2020
If a bereaved parent feels guilt or blame about their loss, simply telling them not to feel that way is not a solution. Feelings don’t work that way.
My Experience Going Overdue in Pregnancy (Brochure)
August 1, 2020
I chose to go overdue in my first pregnancy, believing labor was best when it happened naturally. These printable brochures talk about my experience.
“Babies come when they’re ready”
July 29, 2020
When I was pregnant for the first time, I heard that babies come when they’re ready, and so I allowed my pregnancy to go overdue. I wish I had known this wasn’t always true.
Dear Prenatal Provider—Please educate your patients about stillbirth
July 29, 2020
Dear Prenatal Provider—Please educate your patients about stillbirth. We deserve to know the facts in order to be best prepared during our pregnancies.
Questions to Ask When Interviewing a Therapist after the Loss of a Child
July 27, 2020
Few therapists specialize in child or grief, but I believe many general therapists can still be a great match. Here are some questions to help you interview.
The Worst Part
July 26, 2020
Hearing the news was definitely the worst part. “There is no heartbeat.” It broke me. I fell. And the “worst” pieces just kept building.
10 Things I Learned About Pregnancy After Loss (Pursue Today)
July 21, 2020
Pregnancy after loss is a complicated journey. These are 10 things I learned about hope, grief, fear, & love, and how my two children can coexist. (Guest post at Pursue Today.)
The grief of not getting what you didn’t want anyway
July 19, 2020
Life is full of choices, and we aren’t required to all choose the same way. It can still be hard sometimes, to lose the option of choice. This is still grief.
My pain has a purpose
July 10, 2020
I understand your intentions in wanting to take away my pain. It’s hard to see someone you love hurting. It’s hard to acknowledge there’s nothing you can do. What I need you to understand: (My) pain has a purpose. It speaks to the love I hold for my child. In seeking to take it away, you take away my love as well. You take away ME.
Why I Support Banning Home Fetal Dopplers (Quora)
July 10, 2020
In recent years, home dopplers have become a popular way both of connecting with your baby and of providing “reassurance” that everything is okay. Unfortunately, any reassurance provided by home dopplers is false—a fetus may have a perfectly normal heart beat, and still be in danger of dying.
“Stillbirth,” “Stillborn,” & Other Definitions (Quora)
July 10, 2020
There has been some confusion over the terms “stillbirth,” “stillborn,” and other terms like “intrauterine fetal demise.” This post explains the differences.
It’s Always 29 June; Integration in Grief
June 29, 2020
Integration is waking up in the morning because Peanut is hungry and needs to be changed. Integration is wondering what life would be like with a living second child. Integration is making plans for the future with acknowledgment that things may change. Integration is love AND sadness; grief AND joy. And it’s okay to have ALL of these things, and all at the same time.
Death Changes You. Permanently.
June 28, 2020
The death of my son changed me as a person more than any other event in my lifetime. The death of a loved one does that.
Death changes you. Permanently.
“Healing” from the death of my child is about as likely as regrowing a missing limb.
June 28, 2020
People like to talk about healing after loss, but “healing” from the death of my child is about as likely as regrowing a missing limb. It’s not happening.
I know how you feel
June 28, 2020
Humans are hardwired to find points of comparison. It’s how we build community. It makes us feel less alone. In some cases, though, comparison feels minimizing. This is especially the case in loss. This is something to say instead.
Natural vs. Safe
June 27, 2020
We hear a lot about the power of nature and avoiding things that are heavily processed to keep ourselves safe. I think it is important to remember: What is safe is not always natural & What is natural is not always safe/
Resources for Pregnancy & Parenting After Loss
June 20, 2020
The experience of pregnancy after loss can be complex and terrifying. Getting pregnant quickly or secondary infertility; worry over potential signs of danger; thoughts on when and how to share news about subsequent children; confusion surrounding simultaneous feelings of both grief and joy. If you are pregnant or attempting pregnancy after loss, my heart is with you. I have included resources here that were useful to me in my process. Please take what you find useful, and discard the rest.
Grief is not Sadness; Sadness is not Grief
June 19, 2020
Grief is often confused with sadness, or even depression. But grief isn’t sadness, and sadness is only one facet of grief.
Grief is a Passage, not a Place to Stay
June 19, 2020
I’ve seen this quote in many places, and it has always felt wrong to me. Especially if we acknowledge grief as tied intrinsically to love, then we understand that grief CAN’T be a passage; grief simply IS.
Stillbirth is NOT “Rare”
June 19, 2020
At current rates of 1 in 160 pregnancies, stillbirth is NOT rare. The fact is, you already personally know at least one person in your life who has experienced stillbirth. You likely know many.
Parenting in Loss; Sharing about my Deceased Child
June 18, 2020
Sharing about my deceased child doesn’t mean that I’m stuck or broken or even that I am hurting. It simply means I am a parent.
8 Factors to Consider Before You Go Overdue in Pregnancy
June 13, 2020
The choice to be induced at the end of pregnancy or to use expectant management and wait for labor to start on its own is a complicated one. These are eight factors that should be considered in order to make an informed decision.
1 June 2020
June 1, 2020
June is an intense month for me, because each June, I remember what it’s like to go in for a routine examination and be told my child has no heartbeat. My greatest wish for the world today is to understand the power of GENUINELY informed consent.
Planning your Baby’s Funeral or Memorial Service
May 25, 2020
Planning the funeral for a baby who died before, during, or shortly after birth is a difficult process. Not only because the death of any child is heartbreaking, but also because logistically, the typical funeral service isn’t geared towards honoring the briefest of lives. This post is a comprehensive list of choices and options in planning a funeral for your infant child.
The Whirlwind of Pregnancy and Delivery After Loss
May 19, 2020
After losing Adrian to undiagnosed preeclampsia, I was terrified to experience pregnancy for a second time. Terrified, but also holding hope. And my Peanut is finally here. This is her story.
Cranky
May 7, 2020
Parenting, even parenting after loss, isn’t just sunshine and roses. It’s reality too. And I love this little girl with every piece of my soul, AND I feel overwhelmed sometimes. It’s okay to acknowledge the reality of life after loss. It’s okay to be cranky.
Child Loss Retreats
May 6, 2020
If you have the resources, attending a retreat for parents, couples, or families who have lost children may be a valuable way to devote time and space to your child and your grief.
Adrian’s First Birthday
May 1, 2020
Although I had a funeral for Adrian, I also wanted to do something special to celebrate his life on what would have been his first birthday. I wanted something not so much focused on grief, but more on his impact; a type of celebration. I had already decided to build this website, and so it seemed natural to have a party and document both its launch and my son’s short but beautiful life.
