Daydreams
April 2, 2020
I put Penny to bed tonight, and I had another image of a rambunctious toddler jumping up to join us. I can’t see his face at all, it is mostly just a feeling. A feeling like he’s just right there.
dreaming about Adrian or Peanut
127 – Thu, May 2, 2019, 12:03 PM
January 1, 2020
I find myself living in the world again, at least in pieces. And I railed and I fought and I thought maybe it would be that way forever. And I’m realizing, even when I maybe don’t want to, that somehow I am living.
099 – Wed, May 2, 2018, 7:46 PM
May 1, 2019
I see her when I close my eyes. I see her as a child and all grown up, and I think about the ways that I didn’t see you. When I dreamt of you, you were always an adult looking out of a child’s body.
090 – Sat, Feb 24, 2018, 5:12 AM
February 1, 2019
I miss you so much. It was nice to see your face in my dreams.
083 – Mon, Jan 29, 2018, 5:09 AM
January 1, 2019
It feels funny to say that: I miss you. It feels like there should be another word, something that acknowledges that part of what is missing is this unrealized idea.
081 – Tue, Jan 23, 2018, 8:29 PM
January 1, 2019
I don’t think I ever told you, but I used to dream about you, before you were real. It seems silly, but you always “felt” like a boy.
030 – Mon, Aug 28, 2017 at 6:21 AM
August 1, 2018
I packed some of your things yesterday. It’s a little like saying goodbye. I will never be ready to lose you entirely.