Adoption is not the answer to my child’s death or my problems with pregnancy (Archives)

Adoption is not the answer to my child’s death or my problems with pregnancy

Adoption is often posed as the “answer” to the “problems” of child loss, infertility, or difficulties with pregnancy. Although adoption is a beautiful thing, it is NOT an answer to these other things. Adoption should always be treated as its own unique subject.

Have you thought about adoption?

May 31, 2021

Adoption is an inordinately beautiful thing. It is also often used as a generic straw solution to the “problems” of child loss and infertility. Please don’t push adoption on the infertile or the bereaved. Listen to their feelings. If it’s right for them, they will bring it up when it’s time.

Heavy waves on a sunny day on the shores of North Lake Tahoe (Miranda Hernandez)

Scripts for Bereaved Parents & Families; How to Respond to Hurtful Comments

March 14, 2021

When I was new in my grief, there were a number of situations where people said or did something and I wanted to respond, but I just didn’t have the words. Now that I am further out, I have put together a set of potential scripts to use in these situations.

Adoption is a beautiful, beautiful thing... It is not the "solution" to the "problems" of child loss or grief. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Adoption is not a “solution” to the “problems” of child loss or grief

June 21, 2020

Adoption is often held up as the “solution” to the “problems” of both child loss and grief. This is an unfortunate misunderstanding and oversimplification. Adoption is a beautiful thing. It is not, however, easy or automatic, or guaranteed. There is definitely no “just” about the process.

Blue dawnflowers at St Katharines’s Parmoor, Buckinghamshire, England (Miranda Hernandez)

Why I Didn’t “Just Adopt”

May 23, 2020

Before I was pregnant for the first time, I looked at adoption from foster care. There are so many unwanted children, I reasoned, and I could be a means of giving them a home. Sometimes I marvel today at that simplistic attitude. Because adoption, even from foster care, isn’t simple.

Adoption is not the answer to my child’s death or my problems with pregnancy (Archives)