“Try again” or “trying again” after the death of a child (Archives)

“Try again” or “trying again” after the death of a child

Well-meaning friends often urge bereaved parents to “try again” after the loss of a child. What they don’t understand is that these words are hurtful, carrying implications that children lost in pregnancy are replaceable. I much prefer, “try for a subsequent child”.

Close up of a white flower with skinny pointed petals, taken in Victoria, British Columbia (Miranda Hernandez)

The Words We Use Matter

December 6, 2020

I think we are all familiar with the golden rule, but one of the most powerful things I have ever heard was to follow the platinum rule: treat people how THEY prefer to be treated.⁠ The words we use matter. And if you can’t say something kind, or supportive, maybe don’t say anything, at all.

View from a butterfly cut-out, Assiniboine Park, Winnipeg, Manitoba (Miranda Hernandez)

Adrian’s Elephant Official Comment Policy, aka Things Not to Say To or About a Bereaved Parent

December 12, 2019

Grief is awkward, and when we talk to the bereaved, we often want to say anything at all just to fill the void. Here are some things to avoid.

Pylons under a pier in California (Miranda Hernandez)

Why you shouldn’t ask a bereaved parent if they plan to “try again”

October 7, 2019

Having a child subsequent to loss is a beautiful thing. It’s not, however, required. It’s not the immediate next step after the burial. It’s not a “cure” to the “problem” of grief. Please stop asking bereaved parents if they plan to “try again”.

082 – Wed, Jan 24, 2018, 3:46 PM

January 1, 2019

I think about “moving forward”. I think about “trying again”. These words are hurtful. These words feel like I’m trying to replace you. It isn’t possible to replace you.

“Try again” or “trying again” after the death of a child (Archives)