Graphics for Life & Authenticity

Thoughts on authenticity and platitudes rewritten

Baby loss greeting card: I'm not going to pretend to know how you feel. I am here to listen though, if you ever want to talk or cry or scream. -Always- - Sea Glass Parenting

Sometimes there is genuinely nothing to be thankful for. - Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Trauma is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility. Rewritten: Trauma is not your fault.

Notes for the support team - "Good intentions" are best revealed by changing behavior you've been informed is hurtful.

Notes for the Bereaved - You are under no obligation to keep anyone in your life for any reason. You are allowed to protect your own peace. - Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

You are always always ALWAYS allowed to feel how you feel, with no obligation to cheer up, look on the bright side, or snap out of it. Your feelings are valid and so are you. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Does everything truly happen for a reason? Are positivity and thankfulness always a means of coping? Or does life sometimes include experiences that simply hurt for no reason at all?

Related: When you’re going through tough times, please remember that life is about so much more than feel-good messages you read online

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-Miranda Hernandez, Adrian’s Mother

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Notes for the support team - "Good intentions" are best revealed by changing behavior you've been informed is hurtful.

“Good intentions” are best revealed by changing behavior you’ve been informed is hurtful

Original statement: "Positive vibes only." Rewritten: Authentic vibes only. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

“Positive Vibes Only”

Notes for the Support Team - It is far easier for you to reach in than it is for the bereaved to find the strength to "reach out".

“Reach Out” or Reach In?

Trauma is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility. Rewritten: Trauma is not your fault.

“Trauma is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility”

Everything says it's not my fault, but does it really matter? Are you any less gone?

Can we talk about the phrase, “It’s not your fault”?

Why shouldn’t I celebrate today, when I know that tomorrow isn’t guaranteed? -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Celebrating Today because Tomorrow isn’t Guaranteed

The most biologically normal thing in the world is death. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Death is biologically normal

Death isn’t something you ever “get over”. It’s something you integrate, and then reintegrate again and again. -Miranda Hernandez Adrian's Mother

Death isn’t something you ever “get over”

Feelings are always valid, Even when they aren’t rational; Even when they are "negative"; Even when other people wish you felt differently. Feelings are always valid. -Miranda Hernandez Adrian's Mother

Feelings are ALWAYS valid

Forced positivity is toxic.

Forced Positivity is Toxic

If you ask a widow about the worst kind of grief, they are going to say it’s losing a spouse. If you ask a bereaved parent about the worst kind of grief, they are going to say it’s losing a child. ...And they are both correct. Grief is not a competition. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Grief is not a Competition

I am as pro-choice as it is possible to be. I also believe a fetus is a person. It is possible to hold both beliefs simultaneously. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

I am Pro-Choice AND I believe a fetus is a person

I deserve enthusiastic support, both in life and in grief. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

I Deserve Enthusiastic Support Both in Life and Grief

I have the right to feel how I feel, for as long as I feel it, regardless of circumstances or whether someone else feels differently. -Miranda Hernandez Adrian's Mother

I have the right to feel how I feel

I miss the days when I still believed all you needed was a good attitude. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

I miss the days when I still believed all you needed was a good attitude

I too used to believe tragedy was the thing that happened to other people. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

I too used to believe tragedy was the thing that happened to other people.

Baby loss greeting card: I'm not going to BS you by trying to make your tragedy "better," so I'm simply going to say: This sucks & I'm here. Like, REALLY here—Not only to pick up your groceries or walk your dog, but for all of the messy parts that come with loss, too: Cancelling appointments, planning a funeral—Even if you just want to call me at 3am to vent or cry or scream—You name it and I'm here. ALWAYS. - Sea Glass Parenting

I’m not going to BS you; This Sucks (Customizable support card)

Baby loss greeting card: I'm not going to pretend to know how you feel. I am here to listen though, if you ever want to talk or cry or scream. -Always- - Sea Glass Parenting

I’m not going to pretend to know how you feel (Customizable support card)

I’m upset with movies and TV shows for making me think grief was just a phase. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

I’m upset with movies and TV shows for making me think grief was just a phase

Sea Glass Parenting Baby Loss Remembrance sticker: "In life after loss, I hold pain and joy at the same time. Life is complicated that way, as am I" on a scrapbook page with an image of a person dancing at sunset

In life after loss, I hold pain and joy at the same time—Grief Awareness (sticker)

"It's okay to not be okay as long as you don't stay that way" Rewritten: It's okay to not be okay.

It’s okay to not be okay (as long as you don’t stay that way)

Laughter doesn't mean the grief is over - Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Laughter doesn’t mean the grief is over

Life is hard, and we are all struggling at the same time. - Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Life is hard, and we are ALL struggling at the same time

My experience feels a lot more valid when I remove all the “buts”. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

My experience feels a lot more valid when I remove all the “buts”

My feelings are authentic and I own them completely. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

My feelings are authentic and I own them completely

What's with this expectation that grief should be "reasonable"? Death certainly isn't reasonable. Grieve however you need. -Miranda Hernandez Adrian's Mother

Neither Death nor Grief are “Reasonable”

Baby loss greeting card: No words will make your child's death better. So I will simply say: I'm sorry; I love you; and I'm here. - Sea Glass Parenting

No words will make your child’s death better (Customizable support card)

Baby loss greeting card: I know that nothing can make up for this enormous loss, and so I won't point you to any non-existent 'bright side'. Instead, I will sit with you while it hurts. - Sea Glass Parenting

Nothing can make up for the loss of your child, so I will sit with you while it hurts (Customizable support card)

Please don’t ask me how I’m doing unless you’re prepared to hear the truth.

Please don’t ask me how I’m doing unless you’re prepared to hear the truth

Positivity is a choice, and not one you can make for other people. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Positivity is a choice, and not one you can make for other people

Public Service Announcement: Back Up Your Photos. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Public Service Announcement: Back Up Your Photos

Refusing to talk about or even consider that death happens is not going to keep it from happening. Death isn't Rumpelstiltskin. It doesn't work that way. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Refusing to Talk About Death; Death Isn’t Rumpelstiltskin

Sea Glass Parenting Baby Loss Remembrance sticker: "Some stories simply don't have happy endings" positioned on a silver laptop on a pink background

Some stories simply don’t have happy endings—Baby Loss Awareness (sticker)

Some things have no bright side. It's okay to acknowledge that. - Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Some things have no bright side

Sometimes it just needs to suck. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Sometimes it Just Needs to Suck

Notes for the Bereaved - Sometimes the most meaningful thing anyone can say to you is "This fucking sucks." Because it does. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Sometimes the most meaningful thing anyone can say is, “This fucking sucks.”

Sometimes there is genuinely nothing to be thankful for. - Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Sometimes there is genuinely nothing to be thankful for

Sometimes I'm just— Tired. An exhaustion that goes beyond the surface; an exhaustion that is more than just physical. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Sometimes, I’m just—Tired

“I did it and I was fine.” This is called survivors bias. Your singular experience is neither proof nor promise that dangerous things won't hurt other people. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Survivor’s Bias

Thankfulness is not a cure for grief

Baby loss greeting card: There is exactly one way to grieve—Your way. I am here to support you in all the ways you need. - Sea Glass Parenting

There is exactly one way to grieve—YOUR way (Customizable support card)

Baby loss greeting card: I am so sorry for the death of your child. There is no place in this world or out of it that is better than in your arms. - Sea Glass Parenting

There is no better place than in your arms (Customizable sympathy card)

Baby loss greeting card: This fucking sucks. And I'm here for you in any way you need. - Sea Glass Parenting

This fucking sucks and I’m here for you (Customizable support card)

Time doesn't "heal" anything, not by itself. Medical care and self-care can be healing, if desired. Time is only a measure of the length of the process. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Time doesn’t heal anything, not by itself

Tragedy is not a one-time event. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

Tragedy is not a one-time event

I think one of the things I've learned over the past few years since my son's death is that you never know what anyone else is going through. Even people who post on social media. Even people who are close. People keep a lot of pain below the surface. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

We have no idea what other people are going through

We need to talk about grief. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

We need to talk about grief

Baby loss greeting card: When the night is darkest, you are loved and I am here. - Sea Glass Parenting

When the night is darkest, you are loved (Customizable support card)

You are always always ALWAYS allowed to feel how you feel, with no obligation to cheer up, look on the bright side, or snap out of it. Your feelings are valid and so are you. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

You are always allowed to feel how you feel

You are under no obligation to be healed—Not today, and not at any point in the future. It is always always ALWAYS okay not to be okay. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

You are under no obligation to be healed

We don’t have to meet every deadline. We don’t have to greet every day with a perfect smile. Some days require all of my energy to throw back the covers and put my feet on the floor. And on those days, that is my something. And on others, I have learned to bargain. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

You are under no obligation to greet every day with a smile

Notes for the Bereaved - You are under no obligation to keep anyone in your life for any reason. You are allowed to protect your own peace. - Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

You are under no obligation to keep anyone in your life

Notes for the Support Team - Simply telling someone not to feel a certain way will never have the desired result. Instead, ask questions about their feelings. Acknowledge and understand without trying to change. -Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

You can’t order someone to feel a certain way

Notes for the Bereaved - You don't owe anyone any explanations—not about your loss, and not about your grief. It's okay to tell people your story is none of their business. - Miranda Hernandez, Adrian's Mother

You don’t owe anyone any explanations

Statement: You're so strong. Response: Inside I am dying.

You’re so Strong!

Baby loss greeting card: I'm so sorry for your loss. Your child deserved a lifetime of love with you here on earth - Sea Glass Parenting

Your child deserved a lifetime of love with you here on earth (Customizable sympathy card)

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