A Message for Friends & Family of the Bereaved—

Our culture is weird. Grief is hard, and although death is universal, it’s also something we generally don’t talk about. When my son died, many of those closest to me said and did some really (well-intentioned but) stupid things. I don’t blame them; they were working with what they knew. I do want to make things better for those who follow.

This page is intended to be a living resource to help you better understand in order to support your loved one(s) after the loss of a child. Divided into two main sections, you can read about the experience of child loss and grief in the first section, and then view actionable things you can do to help in the second.

Please read, ask questions, and then be there for the ones you love. The absolute worst thing you can do — is nothing.

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Thank you for being here,



Learning about Child Loss & Grief

To best support your loved one, it’s important to understand the experience of grief. Selected posts from this site are highlighted below. I also recommend reading books or other blogs about the experience of loss and grief.

Read About the Experience of Child Loss

Read About the Experience of Grieving in Society

Collections of Posts on Special Topics:

How to Support the Bereaved

This section contains some things to understand for and about the bereaved, and also some actionable suggestions you can do to help.

Before doing anything, though, my biggest recommendation is to obtain consent—despite the best of intentions, support people can sometimes cause unintentional pain when they do something the bereaved family would prefer done differently.

Please use special caution before doing things like ordering custom jewelry or moving or packing the baby’s things. These things are best accomplished without surprise.

Things to Understand for and about the Bereaved

Things to Avoid or use Caution before Discussing

Planned Articles about Ways to Help

The Experience of Child Loss; a Guide for Friends and Family of the Bereaved (planned article)
Requests of a Bereaved Mother for Friends and Family of the Bereaved (planned article)


I welcome your questions, comments, or suggestions. Please contact me for any specific questions or advice.

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