Resources for Friends & Family

Supporting Loved Ones After the Loss of a Child

Our culture is weird. Grief is hard, and although death is universal, it’s also something we generally don’t talk about. When my son died, many of those closest to me said and did some really (well-intentioned but) stupid things. I don’t blame them; they were working with what they knew. I do want to make things better for those who follow.

This page is intended to be a living resource to help you better understand in order to support your loved one(s) after the loss of a child. Please read, ask questions, and then be there for the ones you love. The absolute worst thing you can do — is nothing.

Thank you for being here,

Love,
Miranda Hernandez, Adrian’s Mother

All Resources Pages Available on Adrian's Elephant:

Most Helpful Pieces

Two of the best resources I’ve found are these:

Short article: “How Not to Say the Wrong Thing” by Susan Silk and Barry Goldman (5 min read)
Web resource: Megan Devine, creator of the writing program and community that prompted many of my pieces

I also highly recommend reading books and blogs posts in general. Posts I’ve written are available via Miranda’s Blog and also linked below. You can also view a comprehensive list of blogs written by other bereaved families here.

My most helpful pieces:

Learning About Child Loss & Grief

Read About the Experience of Child Loss

Read About the Experience of Grieving in Society

How to Support the Bereaved

This section contains some things to understand for and about the bereaved, and also some actionable suggestions you can do to help.

Before doing anything, though, my biggest recommendation is to obtain consent—despite the best of intentions, support people can sometimes cause unintentional pain when they do something the bereaved family would prefer done differently.

Please use special caution before doing things like ordering custom jewelry or moving or packing the baby’s things. These things are best accomplished without surprise.