Title: Postpartum Body After Loss | overlaid on image of Miranda's belly in Waimea Canyon, Kaua'i (Luna Kai Photography)
(Luna Kai Photography)

There is a lot of discussion in the world about postpartum bodies, but unfortunately very little about postpartum bodies after loss. This is a particular interest of mine, and so I have written about it pretty extensively. I hope the following pieces are of use to you.

Thank you for being here.

📬 Subscribe to Updates  📬

 

Title: Life as a Grieving Mother: Physical Body After Loss | overlaid on image of Miranda in the mountains of Kaua'i (Luna Kai Photography)

Physical Body After Loss

The hardest physical sensation was the one without a name. It was the thing I felt when I woke up in the morning and my son wasn’t crying. It was the feeling in my arms when they curled around the teddy bear from the hospital, but still felt empty. It was the physical feeling of absence. It felt so heavy.

0 comments
Title: Miranda's Chronological Story: The First Days | overlaid on image of Miranda and her Comfort Cub in bed (Synch Media)

The First Days

I left the hospital in a fugue state. I had thought I was “okay,” but as the first notes of music came on the car stereo, the tears returned. My sister reached across and held my hand, my other hand other clutching the teddy bear from the hospital. I was thankful then for the weight of the bear. It was exactly what I needed.

0 comments
Hiking the Sleeping Giant Trail, Kapaa, Kaua'i, Hawai'i

3 Feb 2018 – The Kindest Thing

I am probably one of those ghosting stories that people complain about on social media. I am probably that person who just disappeared, and people are wondering, “What happened? What did I do wrong?”

0 comments
North Star Resort - Feature

20 Feb 2018 – Flight

I found the snow again today. I found flight, and I’m spinning, and it all came back so easily. And I watch as the children go flying down the mountain, and everything feels empty.

0 comments
Miranda's belly, nine months postpartum - Feature

24 Feb 2018 – A Letter to My Belly

You sheltered him for nine months. You expanded with him, kept him safe. I watched you grow stretch marks, tiger stripes. I talked to him through you. I never thought to say thank you.

0 comments
Bay of Islands 2

Yoga on a Saturday

I remember those early days after loss, when I used to go to yoga just to cry. It was a safe, quiet space, and most people didn’t judge me. It was a release.

0 comments

Echoes

I have a tattoo at the top of my right rib cage. When I was pregnant with my son, this was his favorite place to poke me. It started with his bottom; I would feel this hard, round pressure. I pushed back sometimes. It felt like a game

0 comments

Pre-Pregnancy Jeans

I’ve heard fellow loss moms talk about the body issues associated with losing a child before they are born. I’ve never had issues with body dysmorphia; it’s just never been something that I’ve struggled with, but I do have issues with my postpartum body.

0 comments
Miranda in Waimea Canyon State Park, Kaua'i, Hawai'i

My Seventh Trimester Body

I have never struggled with the shape of my body; it’s just not something that has ever bothered me. But when my son died in my 41st week of pregnancy, I learned there were so many more components to the body image equation.

0 comments
Adrian's Elephant with package of tattoo ink from Engrave Ink (Miranda Hernandez)

Friday the 13th

Last Friday the 13th was also the point of equidistance — as equally spaced between the day that Adrian died as that day was from the “beginning” (first day of my last menstrual period) of my pregnancy with him. I thought it fitting, then, that this was the day my tattoo artist had available.

0 comments
Climbing vines on Hatley Castle, Victoria, British Columbia (Miranda Hernandez)

137 – Tue, Dec 31, 2019, 10:01 PM

I caught a glimpse of my tattoo in the mirror the other day. The days move so quickly lately, sometimes I forget it’s there. Sometimes I miss the burning underneath my skin, how it felt when everything was new.

0 comments
A duck and its reflection, Assiniboine Park, Manitoba (Miranda Hernandez)

My experience with the 4th Trimester Bodies Project

When I started to wake up again, I looked up the project, and realized I could participate. And I emailed Ash, and I signed up, and this past weekend, I flew to Chicago and did it. And it was one of my most beautiful experiences.

0 comments

 

Other Special Topics:

Scroll to Top