Title: Parenting After Loss | overlaid on image of Peanut's hands and Adrian's elephant (Miranda Hernandez)


Title: Parenting After Loss | overlaid on image of Peanut's hands and Adrian's elephant (Miranda Hernandez)
(Miranda Hernandez)

Posts about parenting after loss.

Click here for posts about pregnancy after loss. | Click here for the Resources for Pregnancy & Parenting After Loss Homepage.

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Peanut and Adrian's Elephant (Sarah Perry Photography)

13 June 2019

A little over 13 months ago, and just by chance on Mother’s Day weekend, I made my first attempt at having a second child. That attempt was unsuccessful, and the following months were complicated and painful. It wasn’t until September that I felt ready to try again. So it feels like such a different world Read more

Peanut's feet with Adrian's Elephant (Miranda Hernandez)


Peanut wasn’t my first pregnancy. She’s the first that a lot of people know about here. She’s the first one to receive a birth certificate, the first to draw breath and scream. I moved shortly before I started trying for her, and most people here didn’t know my history. I think many just assume.

Miranda and Adrian's Elephant on the California coast

17 August 2019

A heavy, beautiful day today, and Peanut is officially laughing.

Adrian's Elephant and Peanut's feet (Sarah Perry Photography)

128 – Thu, May 23, 2019, 9:11 PM

They I gave her to me and she was screaming and all I could think was yes, mama loves you so much. You are a new piece of my everything. And suddenly I’m just bigger and you are still gone and I’m straddling the world in two.

View from a butterfly cut-out, Assiniboine Park, Winnipeg, Manitoba (Miranda Hernandez)

130 – Thu, Jun 27, 2019, 9:31 PM

This past year has been different. You’d think the biggest part would be your sister, and of course she’s part of it. There’s also me. I’ve been developing. I’ve been learning and hiding in equal measures.

Street art in Victoria, British Columbia (Miranda Hernandez)

135 – Wed, Aug 28, 2019, 8:04 AM

Your sister was offered a daycare slot and it brings up memories. People around me are having boys and it brings up memories.

Bench on the shore of South Lake Tahoe, California (Miranda Hernandez)


I look back on that time now, and it’s like I’m looking at a different person. That old Miranda lived in a different world, where everything felt like it was possible. And even though it has been almost 3 years since then, I think a lot of people don’t understand I’m not that person anymore.

Miranda's and Peanut's feet with Adrian's elephant


I haven’t been sad lately, or even very anxious. And this is weird to me. I’m used to being sad.

Heart in the sand, Esquimalt Lagoon, Victoria, British Columbia (Miranda Hernandez)


I put Penny to bed tonight, and I had another image of a rambunctious toddler jumping up to join us. I can’t see his face at all, it is mostly just a feeling. A feeling like he’s just right there.

Peanut with Adrian's Elephant


Parenting, even parenting after loss, isn’t just sunshine and roses. It’s reality too. And I love this little girl with every piece of my soul, AND I feel overwhelmed sometimes.

Miranda, Peanut, and Adrian's elephant in Newport Beach (photo used with permission)

Always Two

Always two <3


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