I’ve always felt comfortable making the most natural and least invasive choices in my life, and so when I was pregnant with Adrian, it made sense that I would want a natural birth experience—unmedicated and with no interventions. Women have been having children for millennia, I reasoned. Pain was temporary, and this pain had a purpose. It was something I wanted to experience.
I didn’t go into things without any knowledge. I had a doula. I took a prenatal class in the Bradley method. I followed a popular nature-oriented blogger online and I interviewed midwives until I found the practice I thought was the perfect fit. I genuinely thought I was prepared for all possibilities. Unfortunately, the one thing my doula and my midwives and even the books never mentioned was the risk of stillbirth, or the fact that when in nature, mothers and children often die.
This page is a collection of my thoughts about various aspects of natural birth and the natural community. These are all things I wish I had known when I was pregnant for the first time. And please understand, I don’t hold anger for these facets of nature, and I don’t want to take informed choice away from anyone else in the community. I only want to make sure others are aware of the information I will always wish someone had given to me.
Thank you for reading.
One hundred years ago, many pregnancy interventions didn’t exist, and I let myself believe that was the best way. I didn’t consider the other side of this story—one hundred years ago, without interventions, mothers and children often died. Nature isn’t perfect. Nature is pretty deadly.
Everything happens, but not for a reason—It is wrong to spread the idea that everything in this life is normal; that everything we experience is necessary; that everything is okay. Violence is not okay. Rape is not okay. A child’s death is never okay. Sometimes, (often!) there genuinely is no reason
Almost eight months ago, I stood in your shoes. I was nine months pregnant; overdue. I was committed to doing everything naturally. It seemed like the most important thing to me. I wish I had known then what I’m sharing with you now.
Adrian was due on 22 June 2017, but my midwives told me due dates were only guidelines. I wish they had been more concerned, especially considering the warning signs demonstrated during that last visit.
These tools were available to me and I chose not to use them. I didn’t choose for you to die, but my choices did not save you. I wish that I had saved you.
June is an intense month for me, because each June, I remember what it’s like to go in for a routine examination and be told my child has no heartbeat. My greatest wish for the world today is to understand the power of GENUINELY informed consent.
Sometimes pregnancy doesn’t end in a living baby. And sometimes there is simply no way to know that there is any danger until after your baby has already died.