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Miranda's Bio for HARO Submissions

Miranda Hernandez is a writer and mother to two children: Adrian James, who is stillborn at term, and his living sister, nicknamed “Peanut”. Miranda writes about stillbirth and the normalization of grief at Adrian’s Elephant. You can also find her on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Twitter.

Miranda holding Adrian's elephant in a park in California. It is a sunny afternoon. Miranda is wearing a white shirt and pink cardigan and smiling. (Sarah Perry Photography) — Miranda and Adrian's Elephant in a park in California (Sarah Perry Photography)

Visit our sister site: Plain Talk Pregnancy – Evidence-Based; Human-Oriented

Visit our sister site:
Plain Talk Pregnancy

I met a new supervisor this week, and even though

#FriendsOfAdrian is an open series designed to sha

#FriendsOfAdrian is an open series designed to share stories from fellow loss parents. This story, from @Lottaheh about her daughter Louna, is particularly close to my heart:

"I was sure for a long time that I never wanted to have children...Years went on and slowly I started thinking maybe. We (or I) decided that a baby may come, if s/he will or then not. After 9 months I did the first pregnancy test of my life. I did it really early in the morning, because I was flying to Berlin on that morning and I wanted to know if I can drink or not. My period was a couple of days late and it was never late. The test was positive, and my mind was blurred. Is it good news?! I went to wake up my partner who didn’t even know that I bought the test the previous day. His exact words were “oh no, oh yeah”. So no drinks for me in Berlin.

The pregnancy was quite easy. I didn’t have any morning sickness or any bad pain...In May, we had the 20 week scan and heard that the baby is a girl. I was so happy, because I had wished for the baby to be a girl.

...

The due date came and went and I didn’t feel like the baby would come any day soon, but I wasn’t worried. Both me and my sister were born 8 days after our due dates and both of my sister’s children were also born long after their due dates...I told my friends that next week the baby will be born, because in Finland they induce the birth at the latest at week 42+0, and in many cases at 41+5.

The next morning I woke up early thinking that I don’t know when I had last felt the baby move. I drank some juice, but still no movement. I wasn’t so worried and told my partner about my thoughts a couple of hours later when he woke up...The midwife who answered the phone wasn’t too worried either, but said that we should come for a check up.

At the hospital, first a midwife tried to find the heartbeat with a doppler. She didn’t find it. I already knew what had happened, but my partner didn’t. They called a doctor who arrived with an ultrasound machine and she confirmed what I already knew: “I’m sorry, but your baby doesn’t have a heartbeat.”"...

...[This story was excerpted due to length. The full post is available at the link in bio.]

I tell myself I can keep going indefinitely—Who

I tell myself I can keep going indefinitely—Who needs sleep? Or breaks? Or mental space? And then the decision gets taken out of my hands.

This month is exhausting. Between work and moving and trying to climb back into the post-pandemic-back-to-the-middle-of-the-pandemic world, my body finally said no. So I'm pulling back a bit, for now.

I still have some ideas flowing, and some new pieces coming (including something I started on after my most recent post). But I'm not putting a timeline on anything. Breaks are good. Talk soon ❤️

I wish I had known I could stay longer with my son

I wish I had known I could stay longer with my son in the hospital after his death. I felt so much pressure, even staying that 24 hours felt like too much time to me. I wish now I had stayed longer.⁠
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I wish I had known it was possible to take my son's body home with me. Many hospitals allow this with the use of a cooling bassinet. I wish someone had offered this to me.⁠
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I wish I had known it was possible to visit my son at the funeral home. He was there for 11 days between his death and his cremation. I wish I had known I could have gone to him.⁠
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I wish I had known I could prepare my son's body for the funeral. How I would have loved to have washed him, and dressed him in his funeral clothes. I wanted that opportunity.⁠
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I wish I had known I could view my son's cremation. Many crematoria are okay with this and have hours and procedures set aside for families. I wish someone had told me.⁠
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There are so many options available to bereaved parents and families, and somehow they aren't always discussed. These aren't things we know about to ask for in the moment. These are things we realize afterwards we miss.⁠
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What do you wish you had known?⁠
What did you miss?⁠
⁠
~⁠
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#Stillbirth #ChildLoss #PregnancyLoss #BabyLoss #Miscarriage #InfantLoss #Grief #Grieving #Funeral #BabyFuneral #NeonatalLoss #NeonatalDeath #StillbirthAwareness #MiscarriageAwareness #BabyLossAwareness #MiscarriageSupport #StillbirthSupport #BabyLossSupport #SupportAfterLoss #IWishIdKnown

So many memories inherent in these dates. This wee

So many memories inherent in these dates. This weekend that for many people is a happy one, will forever be a reminder of me walking into a funeral home.⁠
⁠
And then there was the planning of the funeral itself. How do you honor a life that only barely got to be? What do you talk about? Who do you invite?⁠
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The planning and the decisions become another layer on top of the grief.⁠
⁠
I sat down last year and wrote about it; both my experience and the guide I wish had been prepared for me. (Both available at link in bio.)⁠
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How were your experiences? Did you have a funeral? Do you feel like it was what you needed?⁠
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#Stillbirth #Stillborn #StillbornStillLoved #PregnancyLoss #BabyLoss #BabyLossAwareness #MyBabyDied #Grief #Grieving #GrievingMother #BereavedMother #GriefJourney #MyGriefJourney #Funeral #PlanningAFuneral #BabyFuneral #ChildsFuneral #SayingGoodbye #HowToSayGoodbye #IMissMySon

I wake up in the silence, Charles snoring under co

I wake up in the silence, Charles snoring under covers and wrapped around my legs. He and Peanut both sleep late these days, our clocks off balance for much of this past year.

(This unexpected year...)

I think about these moments 4 years ago. I think about the restlessness of my entire 9th month with you. Those days have been close to my mind this year; not only the last days of what passed for my innocence, but also my last days of being blissfully connected with you.

I simply had no idea.

I wake up in the silence, and it is in these moments that I can almost find you; these moments when I am still heavy with sleep, cursing that I almost never dream of you.

And then Charles stirs, and your sister makes a noise. Life in general, as always, intrudes.

And I continue to treasure these fleeting moments; this silent space I share with you.

I'll see you tomorrow, sweet boy. And until then, I will live for you.

Happy 4th birthday, my love,

Love,
Mama

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