Resources

Early in the days of my loss, I often googled different forms of “how to cope” and “what now?” More than two years out from Adrian’s death, I am finally feeling ready to share, from one parent to another, some of the things that have helped me. Loss is individual. Grief is unique. Please take what you find useful here, and discard all the rest.

Grief is hard, and although death is universal, it’s also something we don’t generally talk about. When my son died, many of those closest to me said and did some really (well-intentioned but) stupid things. I don’t blame them; they were working with what they knew. I do want to make things better for those who follow. This page is intended to be a living resource to help you better understand in order to support your loved one(s) after the loss of a child. Please read, ask questions, and then be there for the ones you love. The absolute worst thing you can do — is nothing.

Pregnancy is a complicated time. You are inundated with information, often conflicting, and you don’t always know what to believe. I am not a medical provider, but since the death of my son, I have made a point of becoming more informed on the risks and recommended best practices for pregnancy. Because there is so much information, I have distilled what I can into the posts below, and provided links to reputable sources for additional details. If you are EVER concerned about your health or the health of your child, please contact your medical provider to discuss.

The experience of pregnancy after loss can be complex and terrifying. Getting pregnant quickly or secondary infertility; worry over potential signs of danger; thoughts on when and how to share news about subsequent children; confusion surrounding simultaneous feelings of both grief and joy. If you are pregnant or attempting pregnancy after loss, my heart is with you. I have included resources here that were useful to me in my process. Please take what you find useful, and discard the rest.

One of the things that hurt most about my son’s death was how none of my providers (and none of the books!) discussed the risks with me during my pregnancy. So if you are here, reading this page, I thank you. You are taking the first of several important steps in changing a culture of silence around this dangerous subject.