A duck and its reflection, Assiniboine Park, Manitoba (Miranda Hernandez)
A duck and its reflection, Assiniboine Park, Manitoba (Miranda Hernandez)

My experience with the 4th Trimester Bodies Project

Miranda's Blog

I’ve been enamored with the 4th Trimester Bodies Project for years. A coworker’s wife participated with both of her sons, and I loved how open she was with her images. It was a message of beauty and reality and massive acceptance. I planned when I saw it to participate myself after my first child was born. And then he died.

It took me a while to wake up again to life, but when I did, I realized I still wanted to participate. I emailed Ash and signed up for a private session, and this past weekend, I flew to Chicago and did it. It was a beautiful experience.

This is an excerpt from what I shared:

Two years ago, I was pregnant with my first child. As a Single Mother by Choice (SMC), he was both planned and gloriously wanted, and despite the typical complaints of pregnancy, I was happy. At the start of my pregnancy, I was thirty five and slightly overweight, two things which doctors may or may not consider serious. I had no other risk factors. I thought my pregnancy was going well.

On 21 June, 2017, the day before my son was due, I told my providers I wasn’t feeling as much movement. I told them a few other things, things I now know are serious red flags. They told me I was fine. Eight days later, my son died.

I spent the first year after his death in a fog. I went to support groups. I journaled. I crawled inside myself and screamed. I lost good friends who couldn’t watch me in pain. I tried and failed to make sense of the incomprehensible.

The second year was harder. I had moved to a new city where few people knew. Children became a difficult subject. People expected me to be “okay.” I lost track of the number of times I was told to “have another baby,” as if children are interchangeable. Everything finally started to feel real.

Read the rest of my piece and what I shared here: 4th Trimester Bodies Project

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Miranda’s Blog has been featured in Scary Mommy, Pregnancy After Loss Support Magazine, Love What Matters, Up Journey, and Pursue Today. You can also find her on Quora and Medium.

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Miranda holding Peanut and Adrian's elephant. Peanut's hand is wrapped around Adrian's elephant.

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Miranda holding Adrian's elephant on the coast in California.

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In 1988, President Ronald Reagan established 15 October as Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day | In honor of all children lost too soon, please consider lighting a candle from 7-8pm in your local time zone. This will create a "wave of light" that travels around the world. |  Learn more about pregnancy & infant loss and how to support a bereaved family in your life: https://AdrianJamesHernandez.com

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Miranda and Adrian's Elephant

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Miranda and Adrian's Elephant on the California coast

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Mount Douglas Park Trail, Victoria, British Columbia

This Timeline

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Miranda's maternity photo (Two Little Starfish)

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Claddagh Ring

Adrian's Elephant and Peanut's Mermaid

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Waiting Rooms

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1 January 2019

Miranda with Adrian's Elephant during Adrian's Memorial on the California coast (@saltwaterandclay)

22 July 2018; Life is Hard but I’m Trying

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Friday the 13th

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Not Okay

Miranda and Adrian's Elephant on the California coast (Synch Media)

Second Eulogy

Miranda and Elephant on the California coast

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Adrian's Elephant

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Miranda and Elephant on the California coast

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Miranda and Elephant on the beach in California

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Adrian's Elephant on Keālia Beach in Kaua'i, Hawai'i (Miranda Hernandez)

18 June 2018, 8:47 pm; Living in the Calendar after Loss

Driftwood log on the shore of Nukoli'i Beach park, Kaua'i, Hawai'i (Miranda Hernandez)

Not Fucking Fair

Adrian's Elephant in the Airport (Miranda Hernandez)

Home

Sunset on the California coast (Miranda Hernandez)

Sunrise

Miranda in Waimea Canyon State Park, Kaua'i, Hawai'i

My Seventh Trimester Body

Miranda and Adrian's Elephant on the California coast

Birth

Miranda and Adrian's Elephant at Esquimalt Lagoon, Victoria, British Columbia

Equidistance

Annual flowers in Assiniboine Park, Winnipeg, Manitoba (Miranda Hernandez)

A letter to my roommate, who puts up with far more than she deserves

Adrian Street sign in San Diego, California

San Diego

View from cliffs on the California coast

A Letter to the Woman Who Wants the “Perfect Natural Birth”

Dandelions over Te Ti Bay, Waitanga, New Zealand (Miranda Hernandez)

I AM a Mother, Even after my Child is Gone

Adrian's things in Miranda's new home

Humor

Roses on rocks in Hatley Park, Victoria, British Columbia

Everything Happens.

Bluebonnets on the California coast

Nature Isn’t Perfect

Car tire on the road

Second Hand

Burning candle at St Katharines’s Parmoor, Buckinghamshire, England (Miranda Hernandez)

Desire

Sanddollars on Adrian's Elephant

Sea Shells

Sign found on sidewalk

Signs

Trail in Pinecrest, California

Life

Close up of Adrian's Elephant on Miranda's lap. Miranda is wearing blue jeans and white shirt, and Elephant is sitting in her lap facing the camera (Miranda Hernandez)

Pre-Pregnancy Jeans & the Struggle with Postpartum Weight Loss after Stillbirth

I Drink a Lot of Tea

Sunset in Arizona

I Miss My Phone

Rose on the ground at Hatley Park, Victoria, British Columbia

I woke up out of a sound sleep with these words on my lips

Toy car hidden in the grass

Favorite Holiday

Wildflowers and Adrian's Elephant

On Sunlight and Strength

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Cherry blossoms in Victoria, British Columbia (Miranda Hernandez)

Dear Pregnant Woman in My Office

Adrian's Elephant and expired milk, Government Canyon State Natural Area, Texas (Miranda Hernandez)

29 October 2017

Miranda with Adrian's name sign from Landon's Legacy Retreat, Whiteshell Provincial Park, Manitoba

30 September 2017; I Will Always Love His Name

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