Orchid cactus flowers in the gardens at San Juan Bautista
Orchid cactus flowers in the gardens at San Juan Bautista (Miranda Hernandez)

I have always considered myself a part of the natural community. When I became pregnant the first time, I wanted to keep everything natural as much as possible. I reasoned that if women had been giving birth for millennia, it only made sense that we already had everything we needed. This was a large part of why I started reading your site.

I learned a lot from you. I read the traditional books, but I found more comfort in how you explained things. I loved watching the weekly updates from your last pregnancy. I found commonality in so much of what you felt and said. I trusted you.

And this is why I’m writing now. Because I trusted you, and you let me down. You talked about so many things that could happen during pregnancy, but you never talked about death. And when I allowed my pregnancy to go overdue, I never thought it was something that could happen to me.

My son died on the morning on our 41st week of pregnancy. And what I felt first and most strongly was shock. How could this happen? How was it possible that I did everything right and naturally and I still lost him? Why didn’t anyone let me know?

I don’t blame you individually. Like I said, I read the books, and they were equally evasive. My providers never mentioned it either. No one talks about stillbirth, and I think that’s wrong. I constantly wonder, if we changed this conversation, how many babies could have otherwise been saved?

My son died almost two years ago. It’s taken me a while to be able to return to sites like yours. I see you spoken of so positively, and I am happy to see you have chosen to discuss stillbirth recently. I am asking you to continue. This is a knowledge we all have a right to know. This is something that could save future lives.

I used to think nature was everything. I used to think if I maintained positivity, nothing could truly hurt me. I focused so hard on those women who have been birthing babies for millennia that I neglected to realize that over those millennia, so many of those babies died. My baby died. I don’t want to see this happen to anyone else.

Related:
Miranda’s Blog: Nature Isn’t Perfect (needs to be posted)
Miranda’s Blog: A Letter to the Woman who Wants the “Perfect Birth” (needs to be posted)
Miranda’s Blog: Stillbirth & Statistics; What Does it Mean to be “Rare”?