(Miranda Hernandez)

Comparing grief has never been a useful exercise for me. Your own worst thing is your own worst thing. My tragedy can’t lessen your own experience.

I do realize my perspective is unusual, and I’m not going to tell anyone else that they are wrong. But here, in this space, all grief is welcome. You are welcome here, for any reason and even none at all.

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Why Getting Pregnant Easily Isn’t a Gift

Statistics are funny. I really wish someone would do a study on the chances for real, taking into account the multiple factors that contribute to fertility. I still don’t know if I’m an anomaly, or if I just got lucky. I don’t feel lucky.

Adrian James Hernandez Official Comment Policy, aka Things Not to Say To or About a Bereaved Parent (Miranda's Blog) | overlaid on image of wild plants (Miranda Hernandez)

Adrian James Hernandez Official Comment Policy, aka Things Not to Say To or About a Bereaved Parent

Grief is awkward, and when we talk to the bereaved, we often want to say anything at all just to fill the void. Here are some things to avoid.

Waves on Lake Tahoe, California (Miranda Hernandez)

I Fail at Grief Olympics

What I found most interesting in my interactions with all of them, was the amount of commonality in our experiences. In how much I could identify with experiences I had previously thought were just mine.

"I know how you feel." Rewritten: I don't know how you feel, but I'm here to listen.

“I know how you feel” (2 versions)

Humans are hardwired to find points of comparison. It’s how we build community. It makes us feel less alone. In some cases, though, comparison feels minimizing. This is especially the case in loss.. Here are 2 alternatives to the phrase, “I know how you feel”

Miranda and Adrian's Elephant


We are all living in uncertainty. We are all scared. We are all doing the very best we can. And you have every right to your feelings, even if they seem silly.

Palm tree over the ocean in late afternoon in Kaua'i, Hawai'i (MIranda Hernandez)

The grief of not getting what you didn’t want anyway

Life is full of choices, and we aren’t required to all choose the same way. It can still be hard sometimes, to lose the option of choice. This is still grief.


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