People often point to living children as a reason for bereaved parents not to grieve. This is of course ridiculous. All children are precious. All children will be mourned. I could have 100 babies after the loss of the son. He will always be part of me.
Adoption is often held up as the “solution” to the “problems” of both child loss and grief. This is an unfortunate misunderstanding and oversimplification. Adoption is a beautiful thing. It is not, however, easy or automatic, or guaranteed. There is definitely no “just” about the process.
When you focus on these other children; when you bring them up in response to any mention of my dead child, you are telling me he or she is not worth talking about. You are telling me these unnamed future children, who haven’t even begun to exist yet, are somehow more important.